christmas in thailand ... w/ kelly. let the good times roll!

Dear Friends,

Alas I find that Thailand has worked its magic on me and somehow a month went by without any real attempts at my part to try to encapsulate this entire experience for those who have chosen to pray with us and support us. I am sorry about my lack of communication and I am sorry in advance for those offended by this e-mails superficiality and/or tendency to provide too much information and/or a narrow perspective on a broad situation. It could be any and all of those things. This past month has been any and all of those things combined with a plethora of experiences and emotional reactions that would normally subsist in an entire year of life rather than just a month ... It is crazy how being here can feel like forever in regards to the amount of times  you grapple with your own reflection seen in the light of others; yet, no time at all because you blink and a month has gone by and in your laziness you haven't chosen to grapple enough. I walk that point of conflict often. All that being said: you by no means have to actual read this e-mail as I don't know if it will really provide you with the information or substance you were looking for in an update. I only ask that you will continue to partner with us in prayer and that together we can all learn to be better at loving God, loving others, and seeking to transform that Love into a tangible action through Compassion and a desire to be at Peace with God, Peace with others, and Peace with ourselves as well.

Also, another small sidenote, Kelly's e-mails are absolutely brilliant and have helped me see this experience with new and unjaded eyes. If you aren't receiving these e-mails let us/me know and I will have her add you to her list. She is more diligent about writing and her eloquence is something I cannot promise myself.

Merry Christmas Friends and blessings of Peace in the New Year!

The land of perpetual summer provided us with an excellent Christmas season which in 48 hours allowed us to experience life that included 48 years of experiences and questions. I am trying to think back over the last few days and I know that any given moment brought unique and extreme experiences always extremely different from those that came before it. I think it is that fact that makes me so tired at the end of each day. But, these are the avenues of life that we are currently walking and I hope it makes some sense to you:

Christmas Eve (as Kelly wrote about), was an experience in itself. We went on Outreach to celebrate with the women and bring them Christmas presents and spend time with them before work got busy on one of their busiest nights of the year (a fitting way to tribute the birth of Christ). In that night I was able to find such joy in meeting with old friends. For a brief moment in time Kelly and I found ourselves sitting with 3 of our friends, laughing together about eating bugs (don't worry, I didn't tempt fate and eat more potential parasite carriers mom!), proposing numerous toasts to friendship, love, blessings, and (on the Thai side) luck, watching one of the newest girls come out of her shell as she helped me write in Thai and was actually able to carry on eye contact (always an exhilerating breakthrough), and talking with the street walkers who were selling light up Santa hats carrying signs that said that they were deaf (by the way, Tiffany, I need help with figuring out how to sign in MSL. Does James know?). There were moments of true beauty as can only be found when people come together and (as Khalil says) bring their best for their friends. I hope that even amidst my own struggles of dealing with the things that surrounded that bubble of community - the men desperate for affection, the women desperate to give affection and be given affirmation, the facade of mocking Love until it is unrecognizable, and covering it all with a layer of loud music, lots of beer, and false promises of something that used to resemble love. I think that the hardest part is that I knew it was Christmas and I knew that this IS a season that marks the triumph of True Love, True Grace, True Hope. It was sad to watch these noble attributes be lost in the brokenness of humanity - the sins we commit against others and ourselves. 

I realized early on last year that this place, as sad and oppressive as it can be there, is highly reflective of myself and others. When I am truly honest, I know that I too am broken, I too hurt others, and I too cover my own sins with a facade until my True character is unrecognizable. I think that it is that struggle of dealing with the anger of injustice (as Kelly wrote about), the humility of knowing that there is no difference in "us" and "them," and the desire to see mercy and to know how big it truly must be to cover the gulf to experiencing Grace. I often find myself doubting my ability to truly offer these special women the Hope of something more when they have seen the worst life has to offer and chose to adapt in any way possible to survive. It is hard when people at home ask me why the women don't just stop working in the commercial sex industry and beyond the myriad of complex answers to that question there is the truth that the genuine human instincts of finding love, finding acceptance, and finding affirmation are present here. Albeit, the form that they have taken is a perverted form of its original beauty but the human desires do exist and are met in odd ways by the system that exists here. In Thailand it is not like prostitution in America. There is a large melodrama occurring where Johns are 'boyfriends' or giks (US: friends with benefits), nights with them are 'dates' not transactions, and all of this plays under a guise of promises of true love and consistency until the facade is broken and the John leaves to go back where they came from and my friends are left with the small taste of love that they experienced and a desire for more of it in any way that they can get it. They don't realize that the system here, the system in America, and the things that we do to ourselves if we are honest, have cheapened the value of love and actually made it less likely that a person (who must be in a whole form) can either experience love or receive love. It is a cycle here (and again, in myself when I am honest), of acting on impulse, selling ourselves, and then being jaded by the consequences of what happens when you sell yourself for something other than the real deal. It is here that I hope to meet with the women when the Johns leave, when their heart is broken, but still yearning for something more than the facade of love that they were offering. It is here that I find myself waiting and hoping that the God of Love I know will be able to overflow through the holes of my own brokenness to offer something more than I could ever give of my own volition because I know that I too struggle in the mire of being emotionally jaded by my own experiences. It is true then, as Bonhoeffer says, that we are a community by and in Jesus Christ - nothing more and nothing less. Christ allows us to be in community so that His face may speak to the hearts of our brothers and sisters when those hearts may not be able to hear the message itself. It is to be a living, breathing, walking, talking, picture of Love so that through consistency, our example may reflect something bigger, something more whole, something more fulfilling, than the facade of love so many of us accept as truth. 

Well my friends, if you are still tracking with me you are a better friend than I. In case you were wondering about the practical aspects of life: dogs are still barking (woke me up this morning actually ... much earlier than I anticipated), the pineapple is still delicious and cheap (although Khun Sapparot - mr. pineapple - is still MIA), I still miss my family, the motor-bike is still fun/scary/a prayer for safety each time, and meeting new monks is always a possibility. I am learning how to read and write in Thai so that I won't be an illiterate person with the speaking abilities of a 6 year old, we found a great home church at the Y in the city which has been great thus far, and we hope to begin the process of renting a building to house our Women's Drop In Center, Children's Drop In Center, the Culinary Arts Academy, and The Garden of Hope in the red-light district near the moat in the old city (if you see American gangster the scenes in Bangkok - ie Chiang Mai will look familiar). So that is very exciting, very hopeful, and very much what I will be spending my hours at work doing. 

I pray that this e-mail finds each of you enjoying the pending new years celebrations. It is a big deal here so we are preparing for the insane amounts of lanterns that will be flown, fireworks that will be lit, and drunk Thai men that will be drinking still more Johnnie Walker whiskey (family: I will be staying safely in a restaurant and then safely in our apartment - we don't want to lose limbs to the fireworks). Mentally I know this e-mail is going to all corners of the globe so for those of you away from your families (scott mackey), know you are especially in our prayers. 

It is true when Khalil says that although it is difficult to be separated from your friends it is easier to see the beauty and totality of the forest when you are on the mountain. So Friends, family, little babies, and the beautiful women of simplici-tea (plus Christine/Chelsea), Merry Christmas and truly I hope that the new year brings genuine Love that is filled to overflowing.

Rest in Reason, move in Passion:

BQ

"so we do not lost heart. though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. for this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look to things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are  transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." II Corinthians 4.17